So It’s Come to This: Wicked Spirits 87 American Light Whiskey

Where I have a mind-expanding epiphany on the beauty of cheap, bottom-shelf whiskey

“TWO HANDS ON THE WICKED!”

- Back label, Wicked Spirits 87 American Light Whiskey

I’m going to be real with you: I’m not looking forward to drinking this whiskey.

First, the label uses the word “wicked” no less than six times. The cartoon mascot is a woman in a bikini and aviator goggles named “Dirty Darcy,” who looks beyond thrilled to be riding a lightning bolt.

As best I can figure out, the overall label design is intended to evoke a vintage gas station feel, and gives the volume of the spirit in gallons (0.20 gallons = 750 mL). The “87” in the name references its proof. The label instructs me to “Open container with friends” which I immediately disregard, as I open it alone in my dark basement, which somehow seems appropriate.

There’s a web address for the distiller—Wicked Tango—on the back, but the site appears to be down, so I need to dig a bit deeper to get the details on this one. Also unhelpful: the distiller’s social media sites haven’t been updated since 2016.

But—perhaps surprisingly—this stuff can still be found for sale for as little as $10 (sometimes $5 on clearance) and it comes in your choice of two containers: A glass bottle and a cardboard box with an included spout. Both are 750 mL, so why the box? Don’t worry about it. The important thing is that it’s a boxed whiskey. Maybe suitable for places where glass isn’t allowed, like the grandstands of a NASCAR race.

It’s also a light whiskey, which I was unfamiliar with. Turns out, light whiskey is distilled to a high proof (between 160 and 190 – higher than bourbon, for example, which can’t go into the barrel any more than 125 proof). This is almost—but not quite—neutral grain spirit territory, so it retains a bit of that whiskey flavor… But not much. Then it’s diluted down to the desired proof and aged in new, uncharred oak barrels or used oak barrels. In contrast, bourbon ages in new charred oak barrels where it absorbs a lot of the distinctive flavors that make it delicious.

Suffice to say, Wicked 87 ain’t bourbon. There’s also no age statement here, so I have no idea how long this was aged. But let’s be honest here. None of this really matters, because people drinking this aren’t interested in distilling techniques or picking out subtle flavors. Let’s get wicked!

THE TASTING

For this one, I’m drinking from a crystal Glencairn. The Wicked 87 pours light amber and thin – no legs here, so I’m guessing it’s young.

On the nose I get a LOT of butterscotch and ethanol. First sip and WOAH SWEETNESS OVERLOAD. The butterscotch flavor is there, and then I get… bubblegum, and then ethanol flavor with minimal heat that gives way to a nondescript syrupy aftertaste that clings to the tongue for dear life.

In some spirits, this characteristic is forgivable, but in a whiskey, it’s not pleasant. One may even call it off-putting. And this is coming from someone who enthusiastically drinks Malört.

For certain drinkers, that sweetness may be a blessing, but it’s not for me. Otherwise there’s not much going on here. TWO HANDS ON THE WICKED!

HOW SHOULD YOU DRINK IT?

So you’ve somehow gotten your hands on a 0.20 gallon bottle or BOX of Wicked Spirits 87 American Light Whiskey, have opened the container with friends per the label instructions, and are looking to drink it.

I’ll give you this: I didn’t like this whiskey neat, but I recognize that I’m old and that my decrepit taste buds have been all but ruined by years of black coffee, barrel proof spirits, bitter amaro, and Islay scotches that people lovingly describe as tasting of “band-aids and seaweed in a bonfire.”

What I’m trying to say is, for a certain drinker who doesn’t actually like the taste of liquor, Wicked 87 might be the perfect whiskey to keep on the shelf. Or, more preferably, in an undercounter cabinet where nobody can see it.

And for that theoretical drinker, there’s one cocktail that’s absolutely impossible not to like. Almost everyone’s first foray into spirits. The one, the only, the classic:

The Wickedest Whiskey and Coke

• 2 oz Wicked 87

• 4 oz Coca-Cola

• Lime wheel

Grab a rocks glass. Pour in 2 oz. of Wicked 87. Over that, pour 4 oz. Coca-Cola. Add ice to the top and give it a stir with a barspoon. Add your lime wheel (or wedge, if you prefer). Throw in a paper straw. There you go.

Remember that syrupy sweetness I lamented like six paragraphs ago? That characteristic—combined with Coca-Cola—unlocks this spirit’s AWESOME POWER because this makes for a damn good Whiskey and Coke. It tastes almost exactly like a Vanilla Coke, and the citrus from the lime adds a little acidity to cut through the sweetness that permeates this from top to bottom.

I haven’t had a Whiskey and Coke in probably close to 15 years and this was an absolute nostalgia bomb. Almost brings a tear to my eye. Plus, it’s legitimately tasty.

And that’s the beauty of bottles like Wicked Spirits 87 Light Whiskey. Is it good? Not really. Are there better whiskeys in the price range? Well, maybe not for $10, but at MSRP, absolutely.

But I will tell you this: For a certain type of guest who only drinks spirit + soda cocktails, you’re going to skip the Wild Turkey 101 in favor of Wicked 87 in their Whiskey and Coke or Whiskey Ginger. You’re going to mix it with care. You’re going to serve it. And they are going to enjoy it as much or more than any cocktail they’ve ever had. That’s where bottles like this can transcend what they are to not only serve a purpose, but become something special.